too many cooks in the kitchen

it is not as easy as some people make it out to be. this life thing. it gets more and more complicated the more people are brought into it. there is no controlling it, ever. there is a power that you have over self. that is all. where and who would i be if i didn't have God to guide me through it all?

the lost boys

what does He do when people deny He exists? how could we?

i have seen His great creation. it is all around me. and i have heard His voice on more than one occasion. and what of the peace that He gives? how could anyone trade that for an unknown, unstable internal being? i think people spend too much time looking at other people. if someone in the faith falls, then they blame it on their beliefs, and then God, and then they stop believing. this tells me that they really weren't serving Him whole-heartedly.


people will always let you down. they key is to not put your faith in people.

but i keep knowing these people who knew God, and served Him, and even brought others to Him, but are know claiming to be atheist, and that He never existed in the first place.

how can you deny truth? especially the truth that you were once apart of? it breaks my heart and i wonder what i can do? i mean, this isn't just social obligations. they are too busy wondering of who will accept them and who they will be accepted by. but this is more than level playing fields, this is about eternal souls! do they stop and think deep down that they may be staring into the face of hell? or that they are leading others there?

when we walk around carrying these spirits, housed in fleshy bodies, do they sense the weightiness; the battle waring within them, asking them to come home?

it is not all a lie. why not take the chance? why not try to live a righteous life? if anything, if you just took the bible for the bare minimal, it would teach you how to love your brother. why not take it for all it's worth?

this comes from finding out that several people i knew once, have all denied their faith and proclaimed that God is not real. i did not know them too well, but it has shook me. it has made me realize how important it is to follow Christ. how lethal it is to throw yourself out into nothing. and how grateful i am to know Him. not that i am any better than them who deny Christ. we are all human, but i will do the best thing i feel to do and pray for those who weigh on my heart.

knowing

i think that sometimes irony is just truth making it's way to you by grabbing your attention in an odd way.

i know when i am being fooled and tricked. but still i skip down the path with the wolf because i want things to be more interesting than they currently are.

i do not want to compromise. and life is overwhelming me.

through it all, i want to insure that i know who i am, right now, in this moment. i know that i will change, little by little, over the years. gaining different views and experiences on things. but who am i right now?

one thing i do not want to falter on is my faith. although i have been lazy recently. we truly are our own demise. the reason why i am not getting anywhere is because i am not doing anything about it. not that i have to do everything, but i do have to initiate the movement.

sometimes i wonder if He looks at me and thinks, "what on earth is she doing? why does she knowingly run around in circles?".

to this i say: know who God is. know He is good, and wants good things for you.
and know that He truly, unconditionally, immeasurably loves you, and me.

and then you will start knowing who you are.

pass through the paths of seas

earth day is tomorrow.
everyone's getting their green points across.
psalm's 8 has been a much loved passage of scripture this year, especially when i look up to the heavens:

O LORD, our Lord,
How excellent is Your name in all the earth,
Who have set Your glory above the heavens!...

...When I consider Your heavens,
The works of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars,
Which You have ordained,
What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
For You have made him a little lower than the angels,
And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

You have made him to have
Dominion over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet,
All sheep and oxen –
Even the beasts of the field,
The birds of the air,
And the fish of the sea
That pass through the paths of the seas.

O LORD, our Lord,
How excellent is Your name on all the earth!
(NKJV)

how beautiful His creation is. how beautiful He is! how blessed i am to drink it in everyday!

in celebrating the earth, let us not forget to celebrate the One from whom it came from.

rest

my failure to rest on God just leads to my own demise. i have been so impatient lately. thankfully, He has showed me where i have faltered. sometimes placing affections and praise on things that don't really matter in this world. why do i think i can do it better than He can? He knows the plans He has for me, and they are good. i think primarily my struggles come from the fact that i have difficulty embracing the one elementary element that comes with this faith walk...that He loves me. that His grace is sufficient, although i do not want to solely rely on grace. i guess things finally got into perspective when i read some things from a teen devotional written by kenneth and gloria copeland. how in giving His Son, God gained back tons of sons and daughters. the greatest act of love for us. it seems so simple but it is so hard for me to grasp. i am sure i am trying too hard to fathom it and just need to let go, accept it, and rest in His love.

redirect

i know that something is wrong and i am trying to fix it. the problem is i haven't really put much effort into fixing it before. but as time passes by, i realize that i am missing out on so many things and ways that God wants to use me by just sitting back and letting life happen. this is such a strange place that i am in right now in my life. and the people who are seeping in are even stranger. my brain feels like it is going to combust because there is too much being fed into it by people who have no right to it in the first place. i am too affected by this world around me. and i all too often want to make great choices and decisions depending on how things appear to be moving around me. i need to really REFOCUS and remember to take guidance from Him first, and not chance what direction to head to next.

a reluctant daughter

dear father,

i ask you to make some sort of resounding laughter
to the face of the foolish daughter that stands before you
it can come in the form of rain
or it can even come in the form of anger
just make sure that whichever way it comes
it leaves me hurting and miserable and painful
so that i will remember
never to do those things again
i ask you
when will this all end
i know it must be soon
because i am running out of stubborn pride
i abuse the grace you've given me
i slowly loose it's grip
and try to push a little further than i should
i have a heavy bag of excuses
for all the wrongs that are happening right now
but secretly i blame myself
i believe i am right in doing so
no one else can take responsibility for the choices i've made
but i ask you father
how much more of this should i take
between myself and the world
i am beaten to a pulp
there is hardly anything left of me
i don't even know what i'm here for
so if you could just laugh or smile
or slap or whip
so that the sensation would remind me
of who you are
than maybe i could find some way
to see the sun again