running red lights

let's be honest. my mother says that if a boy really likes you, that he will make the first move. i take this as an excuse to hide behind my insecurities and not approach him. but if we are both standing still, how will we reach each other? and does he even want to make contact with me? i think that i may need a few changes in scenary. that way i won't have to see him and it won't hurt as much.
he probably thinks i am out to stalk and attack him, but never when i see him is it on purpose. although, i am stuck on him. it's like my heart can't move past him.
i am crazy because i think there is something more---->something more than running into him more than a handful of times, and thinking he wrote to me, and speaking about a car that meant nothing to either one of us, and this feeling i get that tells me he is right around the corner and then i look up and there he is------>but my logic tells me it is just an infantile crush. much like the ones i've had here and there. and my emotional side tells me that there is something different about this one. i think my main problem is i've been alone for too long.
actually, i'm not sure if it is a real problem, or if i'm just making it into one. there have been great benefits to being alone. but every time i see him, i forget that. i think i could release all of this, if i could just speak to him.
i am=cowardly insecure building pedestals for handsome[beautiful, smart, musical, theological, dream-like] boys so that i can remain trapped in a world of disillusionment and overly dramatic despair, immaturity, and stagnancy. i put the squeeze on my own heart by allowing it to get caught up in imaginary fantasies brought about by desperate female longings. and tricks are for kids.