the flare

i am so sick to my stomach. i cannot believe i still feel the same way about him that i always have. i thought that if i stayed away long enough, i would forget him. forget his face. forget my feelings for him. all the things that have built up between us. but they are still there.

today i saw him, but i couldn't look him in the eye, even though he was right in front of me. he scares me, i am scared, because i like him so much and i feel like i know him even though i don't know him at all. i have never felt this way before about anyone. so close and yet so far away....

there IS a cosmic force that keeps bringing me to him. if only i could let it guide me long enough to speak. this is all too silly. i am not one to be involved in anything too heavy. it is too heavy on my own heart. here i am circling over and over and he...i do not even know if he feels the same way.

sometimes i feel as if there are some type of tiny celestial particles inside us that guide us to who we should unrestrainfully embrace into our lives. i think that they scream inside of us when we come into close proximity of certain strangers so that ourselves are notified of them and target them, if anything just to know them as people. thus making them more than strangers. something inside of him makes everything inside of me burst into tiny flares.